Do good anyway.
Sugar and spice and all things nice
One of the key lessons we learn as children is to be nice. Sit nicely at the dinner table, be nice to the other kids at nursery, share your toys nicely, be nice to your brother. The sentiment behind this lesson has its heart in the right place, but sometimes being nice can be at the expense of yourself. When we get busy taking care of and being nice to others, one can forget to take care of ourselves. We are all guilty of giving our friends the best advice in a situation, and yet we often don’t follow that advice ourselves. As someone who works in the wellbeing space, I am constantly encouraging my clients to listen to their bodies, sit on the sofa watching some rubbish on TV if your body is telling you to. I am very guilty of ignoring these signs and just continuing. In the words of Charlie Mackery from the brilliant ‘The boy, the mole, the fox and the horse’ – “being kind to yourself is one of the greatest kindnesses.”
Personally, the word nice conjures up a little girl in a frilly dress because aren’t us girls meant to be ‘sugar and spice and all things nice?’ As the mother of two girls, I want to teach my daughters a small but distinctly different approach. Replace nice with good. Each situation and person should be approached through the lens of good. Nice isn’t always possible. If you need to tell someone you care about the one thing they don’t want to hear. If someone has done wrong by you and you need to call them out. Both these conversations may not be nice ones to have, but they will come from a place of good. It is also hard to be nice when you are not feeling great, if your own resources are depleted. Being nice takes energy and if we are empty then you may not feel like being ‘sugar and spice and all things nice’ but it is still possible to act on good. If good is always your intention, then that is good enough.
Do unto others as you would have them do unto you
Another childhood lesson that I would like to dispute is “do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” Within reason this works, as if you wouldn’t want someone to scribble on your drawing, then don’t do it to your sisters, but not everyone wants to be treated the same way. We are all individuals with different personalities, different approaches who interpret situations in completely different ways. The way I want to be treated isn’t necessarily the way someone else does. A complex issue to get your head around and one that I am still learning.
When it comes to the work environment and being a manager of people, this is a good approach to have. Find out how your team want to be managed as individuals. Do they want to space to make their own mistakes, do they want to have regular check ins, support with prioritising their to-do-list, do they need validation on how great they are, or happy to just get on with things quietly. Tell your manager what works for you, so that they don’t assume their preferred method suits you.
If we always look to treat others with respect and do good, without sacrificing our own standards, then we can be adaptable and flexible to do good by everyone. Working in the wellbeing space and for a children’s charity, I am fortunate enough to get the opportunity to ‘do good’ in the work I do but doing good is something that we should purposefully seek out daily, in every part of life.
Practise good
A great way to practise good is to write down three things you did every day that were ‘good’. I find this will prompt you to seek out those moments. Notice the old man looking confused and ask him if you can help him find his way, pick up the lemon that someone just dropped in the Tesco aisle, smile at the person opposite you on the train. Mother Teresa once said “if you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway...The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good.” I love this. Don’t worry about what anyone thinks. If you can hold your hand on your heart and know you have done good for all involved, then once again, that is good enough.
If you are true to yourself, and do good, then this will create a positive ripple effect around the world. In the words of my old friend (in time, not age) Emma Lloyd, founder of Create the Ripple, “kindness often creates what is known as ‘the contagious smile’, because when kindness is received by someone, the first sign of acceptance and enjoyment will often come in the form of a smile. These smiles take on a power of their own becoming contagious and soon passing to others.” What a wonderful vision of goodness spreading around the world in the form of a smile.
The dictionary translates ‘do good’ as ‘act[ing] virtuously, especially by helping others’ and making ‘a helpful contribution to a situation.’ To act virtuously is to act ‘in a way that shows good moral qualities and behaviour.’ Characteristics such as honesty and truthfulness contribute to good moral behaviour. Michelle Figueroa, who created the Instagram feed Goodnews Movement (if you don’t follow it, I highly recommend for a regular injection of goodness), has recently released a children’s book called ‘A good thing happened today.’ This book is to inspire children to always look for the good and be the good news. I adore this. Be the good news, either intentionally or unintentionally. Whether you are purposely seeking the good, or like the squirrel, who plants his nuts and then forgets where he put them, allowing these to grow into trees, doing good without realising,
