‘It’s kind of fun to do the impossible’ – Walt Disney
When you experience change, do you go into a state of fear of the unknown, or do you see this change as an opportunity to learn? When you are faced with a task you haven’t done before, do you panic and freeze, or do you see it as a challenge that will help you grow? The latter mindset is known as a growth mindset, and this is not something that comes naturally to all.
In fact, as children, we tend to “give up on challenging tasks easily, or avoid tasks [we’ve] failed at before…[Children sometimes] believe that being ‘good’ at a particular activity is a fixed state, and is something they can’t control. In psychology, this way of thinking is called a ‘fixed mindset.”
Dr. Carol S. Dweck, the American psychologist, refers to our mindsets as just beliefs. “They're powerful beliefs, but they're just something in your mind, and you can change your mind.” If your mindset is naturally prone to follow the straight ‘fixed’ path, how do we lead it down the winding and slightly scary ‘growth’ path?
As a parent of young children, you are told to focus on the effort your child has made rather than the achievement itself. “Well done for trying to kick the ball. You ended up treading on it and falling over, but a good effort,” or when looking at a piece of paper covered in brown paint… “Wow what have you drawn there? Oh, it’s a dinosaur, of course it is. I can see how hard you tried with the tail.”
“Researchers have found that building a growth mindset helps children at school; making them more motivated, more engaged in the classroom and likely to receive higher marks and greater rewards from their work.” So why don’t we encourage this in ourselves as adults too? Why do we tend to only celebrate the wins? The achievements. We should take more time to celebrate the EFFORTS of not only ourselves, but our friends and family too. When we chuck ourselves into something new and a little scary, this is an achievement, not just the outcome.
This Friday I am going along to my local community hall to have a trial session with a choir. I have no idea if I will be any good. I’m nervous but I am also proud of myself for trying something new. Out of my comfort zone and not something I’ve done before, but I am a strong believer that ”Everything is figureoutable” – to quote the New York best-selling author, Marie Forleo’s book title.
I believe I have a growth mindset. I am always trying new challenges or finding a new skill to learn; chucking myself in the deep end and seeing if I can remember how to swim. “In a growth mindset, challenges are exciting rather than threatening. So rather than thinking, oh, I’m going to reveal my weaknesses, you say, wow, here’s my chance to grow.” – Carol S. Dweck. This is how I feel about being out of my comfort zone. Not threatened, but excited and a bit nervous.
I appreciate this approach doesn’t come easily to others though. Many of my friends and family tend to err on the side of caution or have a natural ‘worry’ default. As much as I tell them to ‘not waste energy on something you can’t control’, that doesn’t help them. They need to find their own way of moving out of that fixed mindset and into one of growth. Take my very good friend who has NEVER been a runner. To raise money for a charity very close to her heart, she is taking part in a half marathon in April. I am so proud of her! She is not one to naturally try new things, so this is a big deal. It is irrelevant in my eyes what time she does it in on the day. Her commitment to getting to this point, where she can run 10K, and her openness to try something completely out of her comfort zone is admirable.
Another approach which hasn’t been easy with a global pandemic going on, is to try and live in the moment and not to worry about things that we can’t control. Not always easy but if you can try and shift your mind to ask the question ‘what can I control?’ I’ve taken the decision to not read the news and haven’t for almost three years. I can’t control what is going on in the world so why create unnecessary worry? It means I’m rubbish on a pub quiz (apart from 90’s R&B) but it does save me an awful lot of angst.
I want to challenge everyone reading this, to embrace change and try something new that scares you (just a little bit). What will be your new challenge; stepping out of your comfort zone? Is there something you have always wanted to try but never have, for fear of failing? In the words of the legend Brené Brown, “there is no success without failure”.
The British physicist, David Deutsch famously quoted, ‘everything that is not forbidden by law is achievable, given the right knowledge.’ We just need to have the courage to learn and grow.
Photo by Josh Marshall on Unsplash
